I just turned twenty-five. At exactly 12 midnight on Thursday, alone in my room I waited for the clock to greet me with a happy birthday. After uttering a gratitude prayer and telling the Lord some of my birthday prayer items, I played a birthday instrumental piece on Spotify until it lured me to calm sleep. By morning, I received an email from my 20-year old self. It was a scheduled email I wrote five years ago, confident that one day, I'll be meeting my 25-year old self.
True enough, there I was. As I was reading the letter, I caught myself smiling, almost laughing out loud for the long list of items my silly 20-year old self planned to achieve or hoped for in five years; breakthroughs in career, family, my grad school, ministry, finances, and I even included there that by 25, I prayed that I should at least on a stage of getting to know someone whose could potentially be my lifetime partner.
I'm very specific with the items I wrote. I laid down timelines and specific actions I should be doing each year to make progress. I listed the requirements for each event. I even wrote down a checklist of requirements for people I'm gonna allow in my life [you may call it 'my standards']. At twenty, I felt like I knew exactly what I wanted and how I was gonna get them. At twenty, it seemed to me that only through achieving the life goals I have set for my 25-year-old-self will make me a more valuable and complete person. But here's the bad news: not everything went as PLANNED. Despite that, in hindsight, I can honestly say, I don't regret those growing years. Who I am right now is a sum of all the sad and happy experiences in my past which built me into a capable and complete woman as I am now.
Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
I realized, if I would be given an opportunity to reply back or converse with my 20- year old self, these are the things or pieces of advice that I would tell her. I know she didn't ask for this reply but she needs to hear these things. I would begin by saying, "Dear younger self..."
1. YOU DID WELL, YOU'LL DO BIG
First, allow me to congratulate you for making this far. Perhaps, you're being hard on yourself lately. External forces are telling you that you are not measuring up to their standards-- either you are moving too slow, you look lesser, or you are trying hard. Validations from other people are good to hear but it should not be your definition of 'your worth and success'. Their opinions should not dictate the narrative in your head. Oftentimes, the universe will fail to acknowledge what you overcome but today, I wanna tell you that IT'S OKAY. What you do when nobody else is looking, counts. God is still watching you. He knows all your silent battles. All the pains that you went through that you chose not to talk about. All the invisible sacrifices that you make for people around you especially to those you dearly love. He has seen how much you worked hard to build yourself. He has seen how much you take less so you can give more to others. He has seen the purity of your intentions. But you know what's more interesting here? Even right before you were formed in the womb, the Lord already knows that YOU'LL DO BIG ONE DAY. The journey that you are walking through is part of your transformation process. I was hoping to give you a big hug for all those crying years due to the discomfort of growth but I remembered also that the Lord already provided you with enough warmth during those times.
2. SLOW DOWN, LIVE INTENTIONALLY
Not because you don't quite yet know the exact path you are walking through or the place is unfamiliar means you are lost. You are just wandering --a young soul trying to find her place in the world. Everyone, everywhere, became wanderers at some point of their lives. Of course, I can say this from a hindsight, but in those growing years I witnessed your frustrations. There were days when you accused life of bullying you for giving you clues that didn't seem right. All were senseless. So you rushed your steps. Afraid of getting left out, you blindly run around looking for answered prayers. Look what it did to you. You tire yourself out. There's so many little things that you have missed to appreciate. Like the blooming rare rose along the way. The smell of salt air. The dancing trees in the middle of the day. Good thing it didn't take long for you to realize that WHO YOU ARE becoming is more important than the DESTINATION itself. This sounds cliché but the depth behind these words of wisdom is really empowering. I can say this now that I am 25. Thank you, self for learning the art of enjoying the process. Thank you for not deciding too much too soon. Thank you for trusting the beautiful timing of the Lord believing that He who began the good work in you will carry His promise into completion. One day at a time.
3. YOU'LL OUTGROW PEOPLE ALONG THE WAY
This is one of life's lessons that took me longer to learn than I may have liked. I'm a very sentimental person. I know my capacity to love and to keep. Once I decide to allow people to become part of inner circle, I know how much I am willing to go through just to keep them and protect them. I'm no stranger to compromises and meet-me-half-way scenarios. My seasons introduced me to so many beautiful people that I've learned to share life with. To some of them, I built dreams with. BUT not everyone stayed. Not everyone reciprocated the care and love. I've experienced rejections from some, betrayals from others, BUT in most parts, I know we unintentionally just lost the connection and shared interest and purpose in that certain season. I lost them. They lose me.
Reflecting on these things now, I can see where some of my relationship traumas came from. I'm not here to blame anyone of course. I take accountability to all my actions. I still value people and love them just how it was from the start and I still pray for them from time to time but I also know this one sad truth about life: if certain people are not choosing to grow with you, and they are keeping you off the center of your purpose and God's will, letting go is the most logical thing to do. It's painful, yes. But later on you will realize it was necessary. Closed-doors, missed communications, failed connections... perhaps, somewhere out there, we necessarily have to STOP.
4. BE YOUR BIGGEST CHEERLEADER
As you desire for new heights each year and build new dreams, it won't be easy. It's gonna be exciting to step a little higher every time but you should be emotionally, mentally and spiritually ready. As we grow up, we are expected to always act and decide at least as a bigger person. This certain expectations sometimes intimidates the little child in you. Unconsciously, they are creating fear and insecurities within you. And later on, you will realize, they are limiting you in so many ways already.
Here's the thing, that confidence you yearn for, that ability to push out of your comfort zone, that person who falls down seven times and stands up eight, IT'S ALL YOU. It's in you. Probably waiting to come out. Remember what the bible declares, 'You can do all things and you can win in all things because Christ is in you. He is strengthening you. He appointed you to conquer the promise land. Never again doubt God's power in your life.
5. NUMBER ONE REQUIREMENT IS TO START
It may be a hard pill to swallow but no one gets to the finish line without skipping the starting line. Everybody has a day one. Everyone before you started at the beginning.
You. Can't. Skip. This. Step. If you want to get somewhere or get something, no matter how scary, you should still do it. Sure, you’re gonna fall, fail, be judged, lose things and people along the way - but to get to day 50 you have to have a day 1. Pay attentions to what your heart passionately wants. Have a laser-focus on them. Pray about them. Pray to God to give you wisdom to discern which are aligned to His plans and which are not. Once receiving clarity, get them. If you fail, rest. Then, get them again. You have to understand the advantages of deciding to start and stay in the game no matter what. There's gonna be comfort vs. fear in every single decision.
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