Things that I am Afraid of

We all battle with fear; fear of failing, losing people we value, looking like fools, not being good enough, brave enough, or smart enough.

At some point in our lives, we probably already experienced the paralyzing state of life because of fear consuming every inch of courage left in us. When fear comes out to our surface, it reveals our limitations, and more importantly, it reveals who we are. Although this feeling, in most cases, sounds unpleasant, it has a huge contribution to our growth as a person. Personally, fear challenged me but shaped me to maturity.

Fear offers us two important things: either it will make us or break us, depending on how we will perceive it. Looking at things that I am afraid of, I realized I've got 3 things that constantly scare the little brave soul in me:

1 TO NOT HAVE ANY FEAR ANYMORE

The absence of fear in our hearts, I believe, could only lead to arrogance or destruction. It is good that we can confidently face life headstrong but listening to our fears sometimes can protect us also. Just like how the mother Moth fears the idea of going near the flames, knowing that fire could burn their whole wings.

If the universe is logically giving you reasons to not try or go beyond your curiosity, then better not. Sometimes, they say to trust your instincts but for someone like me who is highly dependent on seeking instructions from God, I would just say 'inquire to God and you will never go astray.'

2 DEATH OF PEOPLE I LOVE

I am not just talking about physical death here but the spiritual death also of people I cherish the most. I've willfully accepted the fact that our time here on Earth is limited [that's why we double our work in seeking eternal life], yet just merely thinking of losing people from my life can literally tie a knot in my stomach. I remember just recently, while I was at a train station on my way to voluntary ministry work, I received the sad news: my father was diagnosed with Tuberculosis. Then, it hit me. He is not getting any younger. The Train station was the witness to my tears at that time. I tried hard to hide those rolling tears behind my mask. But at that moment, I felt like everything around me got blurred. Like images in the window of a train, I cannot hear or see things clearly. Whispering in prayer, I pleaded with God, I prayed, "please not yet".

And oh! If you are reading this, please whisper a little healing prayer for my Tatay. I will really appreciate that. I know that he will recover soon. In Jesus' name. :)

3 TO NOT BE SIGNIFICANT

I do not wish to become popular or super influential. But to be honest, every time I will get into the mirror and leave the room, I always tell myself, "make sure to add value to someone else today". I feel like speaking life to people, helping them, and declaring God's word to them is my calling. God had his way of making this clear to me a few years back: I will help, bless, and serve other people. Hence, every time I will choose to do nothing [because I think I'm exhausted and weary], He has his way to remind me again of this significant purpose.

Oftentimes, on moments like this, I'll smile and say, "give yourself a little more time to rest and then get back to the PURPOSE, girl."

Some of my friends could not understand and would tell me, WHY DO SO MUCH?

I asked this also to myself before, but instead of finding the answers, I just got closer to God instead, I have no regrets though. It's the best decision in fact. :)

These are just the three most general things I can list for now. I actually do have lots of fears and insecurities that I am still trying to work out for myself. Some of them I've just discovered. You certainly have your own too. I'm interested to hear yours.

And should you be interested to hear more of my fearless/fearful stories, BE MY FRIEND? I'm very much willing to sit down with you over coffee. Maybe I can start by sharing with you how I almost collapsed when my classmate during 4th grade placed an earthworm on my palm. lol

See you in the comment section!